Magic Magic Boo

according to Dallin you have just been put under a spell. Magic Magic Boo has become his "abra-ka-dabra" and he is often found running around the house screaming "magic, magic Boo" at the top of his lungs. These three words have saved him from many "daddy monsters" and over excited princesses. It's a good thing he discoverd them while he is still young...

a reaction

The nurse calls us back and escorts us to the familiar small green recliner chair. On one side of the chair is an almost comfortable seat for Cameron to sit in, on the other is a rolling stand where they hook the bags of saline solution, Chemo, and other medicine.

The nurse bustles around getting everything ready. As she works she explains,
“This is a type of short term steroid; it will help your body accept the chemo.” She hooks the bag up into my tubing and then holds up a needle, “This is Benadryl, have you even had it in IV form?” I shook my head no. “Sometimes it makes people sleepy, and some people it makes very sleepy”
As she leaves to help another patient it suddenly feels like I have sandbags lying across my entire body. Cameron asks me something and I tried to digest his question and formulate an answer but it was slow going and I finally gave up and closed my eyes.

I’m not sure if I was asleep for 2 minutes or 2 hours or sometime in between, but when I woke, I felt a bit better and the nurse was back explaining to Cameron about the Taxol.
“Some people have a reaction to it. Not the Taxol itself but the solution used to preserve it. It has molecules that are quite large and some people’s bodies have a hard time accepting it. Keep an eye on her; if she has a reaction it will be within the first 5 minutes, push this green ‘hold’ button and it will stop the infusion, then push the call button and I will be here quickly”

She left and Cameron looked over at me and asked if I needed anything. It was still hard to speak so I shook my head and closed my eyes. I noticed my heart fluttering, as I tried to decide if this was normal or not I became aware of my lungs and my chest. They felt heavy and swollen. The swelling sensation moved up into my neck and face. Breathing became difficult. I sat up and tapped Cameron elbow with my foot. He was watching TV and when he turned to look at me he jumped up and pressed the “hold” button on the machine. The nurse was walking passed us to her desk, noticed the commotion and called some people over to help. She had me sit up the rest of the way and breathe deeply. Somehow I was able to comply and appear calm despite the fear tangled up in my stomach. Soon it passed and my body seemed to return to its normal pre-ballooned state. Another nurse called my oncologist and soon I was offered more Benadryl and some other kind of medication. Almost immediately, the sandbags returned full force and I went back to sleep.

We tried the Taxol again at half rate. This turned a 3 hour infusion into a 6 hour infusion. I didn’t have another reaction but I felt pretty drugged up the entire time and slipped in and out of consciousness. We finally got home around 9:30pm.

I never appreciated how well I had it with the 2 hour infusion of Cytoxan and Adriamycin. Cameron and I talked, laughed and planed our lives together. It was nice to have some alone time together despite the actual infusion. The Taxol, or perhaps I should say the Benadryl and Taxol preservative, wiped me out so I’m afraid I wasn’t much company, even with the 4 extra hours of alone time. Hopefully the next one will go smoother. Thankfully I only have 3 more to go.

My Port

I can’t walk around the Moffitt Cancer Center without feeling nauseous. It is especially bad on the 4th floor where the infusion center is located and in the lab where they access my port and draw my blood.

The port is a 1 inch metal circular disk located under my skin about 3 inches under my collarbone. It has a tube that lies over my collarbone and is inserted into one of my veins up there. The process of accessing my port involves me taking a deep breath while the nurse (phlebotomist, technician, whoever she is) pokes a thumbtack sized needle with tubing into the disk, which has to go through my skin first, it hurts for a bit but after that whenever someone needs to poke me they insert the needle into one of the tubes instead of into me. It is way better then the process of locating any of the veins in my arm.

I am seriously doing fine, I know some of you think I am putting on a happy face while I excuse myself to go vomit behind the scenes but I am honestly feeling great this week. I am currently in between treatments. I finished adriamycine and cyclophosphamide two weeks ago and I will start Taxol in one week. and that will last 8 weeks, I will get 4 chemo infusions this next round. and then I will have surgery and possibly radiation after that.
The previous round of Chemo didn't make me as sick as expected. I'm sure the prayers uttered in my behalf had something to do with that. In fact, besides being more tired and having this awful taste in my mouth I felt pretty good. (good might be an over statement but I didn't feel too awful and I certainly wasn't throwing up all over the place like I thought I would be)

I have never been much of a homebody, generally I get a bit stir crazy if I am home for more then a day, and if it's two days we are down right grumpy, so it's been hard for me to keep myself away from public places and I'm almost afraid to report, I have thrown caution to the wind and I am going to the gym on the days that I can, and have even ventured to the grocery store and other such places. This sort of frivolity has come with a price and I have had 3 different colds in 5 weeks but honestly a cold isn't going to effect my treatments in any way and I need to get out of the house. I realize I'm a glutton for punishment.

Really I have felt so blessed throughout all of this craziness. We have had countless people step up to the plate and help us out with meals, child care, Elisabeth care and an assortment of other needs. we are so grateful for that. Cameron has been able to stay focused and has finally decided what he wants to be when he grows up. he is applying for a residency in Radiology and grows more confident in that decision daily. Katelyn has been loving and understanding throughout this whole ordeal. She has suddenly grasped a love of learning and is willing sit with me for hours practicing basic skills. she still asks about my hair and its eventual return. Dallin has become a little boy. he is completely potty trained and loves his Spiderman underpants. He loves tackling and tossing around a football but he also enjoys playing Polly pockets with Katelyn. his new favorite thing is Dinosaurs, he loves them and can even name the more common ones. on a grosser side note, he also likes putting his finger up his nose and offering us his findings, not in a trying-to-gross-you-out kind of way, more like a mom-there-is-something-on-my-finger kind of way. we generally offer him a tissue on these occasions. Grant is getting bigger everday and is trying his hardest to keep up with the other two. he loves to follow them around and "help" with whatever they are doing. He is such a sweet little guy and he laughs and smiles at just about everything we do.

Grant's First haircut.

Although the mullet look is cute and I'm sure it's going to make a comeback we decided to risk the biggest fashion mistake of our life and give Grant a haircut.

Grant loved siting in the sink and turning on the water.

it has become a tradition for Cameron to cut the boys hair. I had planned to cut Grant's hair weeks ago but I wanted Cameron to be able to do it and truthfully I wanted pictures of his first haircut. I did cut Dallin's hair not too long ago and although I did an amazing job, Cameron had to touch it up the next day... oh well.

my short haired boys. This picture of Grant and me was taken at the surgery center where Grant has his circumcision, and that's another story.

a Beautiful Girl

Katelyn is one of the most amazing girls I know. she is so fun and kind and happy. She is always up for having fun and has a pleasant disposition.

One of Katelyn's trademarks is shriving. she is always cold, and is it any wonder? I don't think she owns any fat on her tiny body.

She loves the beach and swimming and anything involving water.

Hairless

it's kind of weird to not have hair, I can't see my head all the time so when I walk by a mirror I'm always a bit surprised at my reflection. you would think that since I've been hairless for a while now that I would be use to it. but I'm not. Also, every time I walk by a hair tie or hairbrush I have the urge to fix my hair and then just in that instant I remember I don't have any. Thankfully I still have my eyelashes and eyebrows. unfortunately I also still have those occasional chin hairs but the gratitude I have for my eyelashes and eyebrows far outweighs the inconvenience of plucking a few chin hairs. and hey I only have to shave my legs every other week, so I won't complain.
last night Grant and I were playing peek-a-boo while Cameron read a bed time story, at some point during our play I realized, "I don't have any hair, I must look so funny." and apparently I did because Grant was laughing but I don't think it was because I don't have hair. It's funny how often I forget that I don't have hair. it's also funny how everyone else in the family seems to be use to it except me.
I always catch people looking at me, and I'm constantly checking myself to see if I have some unsightly stain or if my buttons are misaligned and then as a second thought I realize that they are probably noticing my wrap and wondering what happened to my hair. maybe not, maybe I'm just paranoid. thankfully my hair will return, and no one will be more grateful for a full head of hair.

wig vote--- who looks better.... I mean really.

I've had a few requests for a picture of me in my wig, I have two, one is a cute short wig that doesn't at all look like my natural hair but that's ok. the other is long, crazy out of control wig that is similar to my hair color but not at all wearable

Cameron sporting the short wig look while Elisabeth goes for the long out of control look.


Cameron's of course tries out the long look while Elisabeth is content with the short one.

and the cutest, by far, Dallin in the long wig. which only lasted for a bout a millisecond because he was not thrilled about it at all.

Cameron couldn't help posing for a few shots with the long wig.

Hey there good lookin

Say good by to Adriamycin---or how ever that's spelled....

Yesterday I got my last round of Adriamycin sitting in the chemo chair, sipping on a cup of grape juice. I realized yesterday that every time I step into the hospital it gets worse. I feel a vague queasiness upon entering the building which intensifies as I make my way down to the labs room and becomes almost unbearable as I watch the Phlebotomist arrange the tubes and get the needles ready to collect a blood sample and place an IV in my port. I make vain efforts to remind myself that this part isn't what’s supposed to make me sick... I just can't help it, perhaps it's the association.
after getting the IV in my port I drag my sister Sarah over to the pharmacy and asked them to fill my prescription, I couldn’t remember what the drugs were called just that there were 3 or 4 of them and I needed to get them refilled. The man behind the counter wasn't thrilled about that but I think that as he noticed the stylish wrap/bandana on my head that he realized I must be one of the many patents suffering from Chemo brain. That explains a lot; like that I can't remember who I have or haven’t sent thank you cards to, or even who I've been on the phone with lately. it's suppose to go away about a year after I am through with chemo, but until then I would just like to apologize upfront for anything dumb I have done or am about to do.
Next stop was the breast clinic where I met with the oncologist… well actually this time I met with the nurse practitioner because Dr Ismail-khon didn’t have any appointments available. The plan of attack has been modified once again. The new plan is, I will have a three week break and then start the next type of Chemotherapy. It’s called Taxol. And it’s not supposed to be a server as the Adriamycin. I will have treatments on September 16th, 30th and October 14th and 28th and then I’m so done with Chemo! YEAH! Then another 3ish weeks and surgery and then radiation. And then I can start to put this all behind me… I think….

Fun Times in Naples

Cameron's brother Jordan came home for 10 days before school started up at BYU. the first weekend he was there happened to be the weekend of Cameron's birthday, so of course we had to go visit. As always we had a great time staying up late, playing games, watching movies and hanging out.

One night a cockroach was spotted near the ceiling. (this is Florida after all) Bill, Cameron's Dad, said "hand me a rubber band" took aim and tried to knock it down so he could step on it. The first shot didn't phase the bug so everyone grabbed rubber bands and the shooting match began. Much Much Much later the bug was hit and didn't stand a chance against Bill's shoe. Can we say it's a good thing Cameron and Jordan are going into medicine and not extermination?

my kids absolutely love cooking with Grandma, and the best part? licking the spatula afterward of course. Here they are eating the whip cream used on Cameron's cake. yummy!

we celebrated Cameron's Birthday. The kids were of course more excited then anyone and "helped" Cameron blow out the candles and open presents. I didn't get very many good shots because after dinner I was a little tired and a bit grumpy. Sorry honey, I still love you tons! happy Birthday!

Grant got his first taste of surgery foods and of course loved it, we got a sneak peek of what it will be like on his birthday in a few months.

There's a hurricane a comin'

With news that hurricane Fay was expected to hit Tampa, I made a "just in case" trip to the grocery store along with everyone else in Tampa. by the time I got there the milk was out of stock but there was plenty of watermelon. Everything was closed and canceled today but this morning we woke up to a windy but otherwise beautiful day. so we went to the park.

the kids insisted on bringing their umbrellas but soon grew tired of trying to hold them against the wind.

we took a walk along the Pier.

Grant's hair stood straight up. It was so cute!
I decided to wear a hat today and spent a good part of the day trying to keep it on my head. thankfully I had a spare wrap in the car and was able to forgo the hat.

More Spaghetti I say!

We introduced Grant to the world of spaghetti and he LOVES it. as soon as he noticed the stringy lump on his tray he was putting fists full as fast as he could into his mouth. after scarfing his first serving down, he looked around and noticed that we had more so he grunted and flapped his arms until he got more, and more and more. when he had his fill he was placed directly into the bathtub for obvious reasons.

My little buddy

although Katelyn is mortified if you approach her with medicine or even glance in her general direction with a pair of scissors in your hand for fear that she too will loose her hair like mommy, she has decided that she does likes my head wear. she of course has claimed the pink ones. and since pink is like red, just with white in it, she feels she matches pretty well.

she loves to tell me how beautiful I am and asks constantly making statements like, "Mommy I would like it very much if your hair was long again, long like my hair and Princess hair," I don't want to have Short hair like you I want you to have hair like me" when will your hair grow long?

Car Trouble

On Saturday Louise, Cameron and I attempted to go to the temple for a friends sealing, we got to Orlando, and were getting ready to take the exit we needed when the gas peddle stopped working, everything else was fine, just no gas, so Cameron pulled over restarted the car and was able to drive a block or so before it stopped again, we spent the entire day getting a tow truck and waiting at the mechanics trying to figure out how to get home and waiting to see if they would be able to get things working. It was a very long day. and truthfully I didn't feel at that well. Thankfully we didn’t have to kids with us and no one was hurt. Cameron’s Cousin Blake came to our rescue and drove from Tampa, one and a half hours, to pick us up. On his way over the mechanic told us he thought he could fix it and we could drive it home. He finished it soon after Blake pulled up, so he followed us back to Tampa and took Louise to his house while we picked up the kids from Liz. We then went to Jen and Blake’s house and the kids played while we talked. I had been wearing my short wig all day and it was itchy and uncomfortable. On the drive home, Katelyn asked, “why are you wearing that hair mommy?” I told her, because I think it’s beautiful. Don’t you think it’s beautiful? Dallin pipped up, “no it’s not bu-ti-ful” when we walked in the door, Katelyn turned to me and said, “time to take off your hair mommy” she reached up and I let her take off my wig. And asked her “is that better?” Dallin shouted “yes that bet-ter” apparently my kids don’t care for my wig.

Katelyn's Reaction

It’s been a hard couple of days, I just don’t feel good, and there is the icky taste in my mouth that goes deeper then an aftertaste and it won’t go away. I try to eat or drink different things in hopes that it will hide the taste, it doesn’t. in fact that generally it makes it worse.


The day I shaved my head, the kids came home from the zoo excited and playful, they didn’t seem to notice that I had a wrap on my head, they were playing around pulling at my clothes with these toys they had gotten that have a tiger and flamingo head and you can open and close the mouth with a hand clamp thing. They started pulling at the wrap so I took it off, Katelyn, jumped back with a look of complete shock, fear and horror and almost burst into tears, “mommy, where did your hair go?” I pulled the cap back on and tried to give her a hug; she stepped away from me and pulled the cap off. “Mommy your hair is all gone.” as if maybe I didn't quite understand her first statement. Dallin just stared up at me with a look of concern on his face. I couldn’t take it, so I went to my room to have a good cry and I could hear Louise explaining that mommy is sick and the medicine she is taking made her hair come out. Katelyn soon followed me into the room took off my wrap, pat my head and said “mommy you just have short little hairs, shorter then daddy, it’s ok you are beautiful.”

it was bound to happen

hair today gone tomorrow. my hair had a rough time staying attached to my head this morning, I woke up in a pile of hair cushioning my slumber, Cameron and I took turns pulling out chunks until it totally freaked Katelyn out and then we decided to wait until she and Dallin went off to the zoo with some of the young women in the ward (aren't they sweet) Louise washed my sheets and refused to let me back in them until my head was properly shorn, so we had at it. I was a bit upset about it yesterday, I knew it was coming and I had the night to come to grips with it so I think the actually shaving ceremony was rougher on Louise then myself. Cameron still thinks I'm beautiful Grant isn't sure what to think of me and the kids have yet to see me hairless. so we will see how that goes. I'm going to have to get in the habit of wearing more jewelry. so I still feel womanly. it's going to take some getting use to. thanks for your love and support.

Elisabeth, the hairless wonder.

round two went fine, It was better in some ways because I knew what was coming and worse in others because I knew what was coming. Cameron sat and read to me the majority of the time. while I waited to be infused. my tumor is shrinking, from a 5 cm to 2 or 3 cm. so that's great news. I haven't had much of an appetite. nothing sounds good and I've been sleeping like a mad women, Louise has been various in protecting my precious slumber. I haven't felt well. just an overall blah. but that's how it was the first week last time too. I should feel better this weekend and next week I should feel fantastic. hopefully.

Katelyn and Dallin love taking a bath in Grandma's tub. it has jets and with a small about of bubble bath they get bubbles up to their ears. how could you not love that?