Magic Magic Boo

according to Dallin you have just been put under a spell. Magic Magic Boo has become his "abra-ka-dabra" and he is often found running around the house screaming "magic, magic Boo" at the top of his lungs. These three words have saved him from many "daddy monsters" and over excited princesses. It's a good thing he discoverd them while he is still young...

a reaction

The nurse calls us back and escorts us to the familiar small green recliner chair. On one side of the chair is an almost comfortable seat for Cameron to sit in, on the other is a rolling stand where they hook the bags of saline solution, Chemo, and other medicine.

The nurse bustles around getting everything ready. As she works she explains,
“This is a type of short term steroid; it will help your body accept the chemo.” She hooks the bag up into my tubing and then holds up a needle, “This is Benadryl, have you even had it in IV form?” I shook my head no. “Sometimes it makes people sleepy, and some people it makes very sleepy”
As she leaves to help another patient it suddenly feels like I have sandbags lying across my entire body. Cameron asks me something and I tried to digest his question and formulate an answer but it was slow going and I finally gave up and closed my eyes.

I’m not sure if I was asleep for 2 minutes or 2 hours or sometime in between, but when I woke, I felt a bit better and the nurse was back explaining to Cameron about the Taxol.
“Some people have a reaction to it. Not the Taxol itself but the solution used to preserve it. It has molecules that are quite large and some people’s bodies have a hard time accepting it. Keep an eye on her; if she has a reaction it will be within the first 5 minutes, push this green ‘hold’ button and it will stop the infusion, then push the call button and I will be here quickly”

She left and Cameron looked over at me and asked if I needed anything. It was still hard to speak so I shook my head and closed my eyes. I noticed my heart fluttering, as I tried to decide if this was normal or not I became aware of my lungs and my chest. They felt heavy and swollen. The swelling sensation moved up into my neck and face. Breathing became difficult. I sat up and tapped Cameron elbow with my foot. He was watching TV and when he turned to look at me he jumped up and pressed the “hold” button on the machine. The nurse was walking passed us to her desk, noticed the commotion and called some people over to help. She had me sit up the rest of the way and breathe deeply. Somehow I was able to comply and appear calm despite the fear tangled up in my stomach. Soon it passed and my body seemed to return to its normal pre-ballooned state. Another nurse called my oncologist and soon I was offered more Benadryl and some other kind of medication. Almost immediately, the sandbags returned full force and I went back to sleep.

We tried the Taxol again at half rate. This turned a 3 hour infusion into a 6 hour infusion. I didn’t have another reaction but I felt pretty drugged up the entire time and slipped in and out of consciousness. We finally got home around 9:30pm.

I never appreciated how well I had it with the 2 hour infusion of Cytoxan and Adriamycin. Cameron and I talked, laughed and planed our lives together. It was nice to have some alone time together despite the actual infusion. The Taxol, or perhaps I should say the Benadryl and Taxol preservative, wiped me out so I’m afraid I wasn’t much company, even with the 4 extra hours of alone time. Hopefully the next one will go smoother. Thankfully I only have 3 more to go.

My Port

I can’t walk around the Moffitt Cancer Center without feeling nauseous. It is especially bad on the 4th floor where the infusion center is located and in the lab where they access my port and draw my blood.

The port is a 1 inch metal circular disk located under my skin about 3 inches under my collarbone. It has a tube that lies over my collarbone and is inserted into one of my veins up there. The process of accessing my port involves me taking a deep breath while the nurse (phlebotomist, technician, whoever she is) pokes a thumbtack sized needle with tubing into the disk, which has to go through my skin first, it hurts for a bit but after that whenever someone needs to poke me they insert the needle into one of the tubes instead of into me. It is way better then the process of locating any of the veins in my arm.

I am seriously doing fine, I know some of you think I am putting on a happy face while I excuse myself to go vomit behind the scenes but I am honestly feeling great this week. I am currently in between treatments. I finished adriamycine and cyclophosphamide two weeks ago and I will start Taxol in one week. and that will last 8 weeks, I will get 4 chemo infusions this next round. and then I will have surgery and possibly radiation after that.
The previous round of Chemo didn't make me as sick as expected. I'm sure the prayers uttered in my behalf had something to do with that. In fact, besides being more tired and having this awful taste in my mouth I felt pretty good. (good might be an over statement but I didn't feel too awful and I certainly wasn't throwing up all over the place like I thought I would be)

I have never been much of a homebody, generally I get a bit stir crazy if I am home for more then a day, and if it's two days we are down right grumpy, so it's been hard for me to keep myself away from public places and I'm almost afraid to report, I have thrown caution to the wind and I am going to the gym on the days that I can, and have even ventured to the grocery store and other such places. This sort of frivolity has come with a price and I have had 3 different colds in 5 weeks but honestly a cold isn't going to effect my treatments in any way and I need to get out of the house. I realize I'm a glutton for punishment.

Really I have felt so blessed throughout all of this craziness. We have had countless people step up to the plate and help us out with meals, child care, Elisabeth care and an assortment of other needs. we are so grateful for that. Cameron has been able to stay focused and has finally decided what he wants to be when he grows up. he is applying for a residency in Radiology and grows more confident in that decision daily. Katelyn has been loving and understanding throughout this whole ordeal. She has suddenly grasped a love of learning and is willing sit with me for hours practicing basic skills. she still asks about my hair and its eventual return. Dallin has become a little boy. he is completely potty trained and loves his Spiderman underpants. He loves tackling and tossing around a football but he also enjoys playing Polly pockets with Katelyn. his new favorite thing is Dinosaurs, he loves them and can even name the more common ones. on a grosser side note, he also likes putting his finger up his nose and offering us his findings, not in a trying-to-gross-you-out kind of way, more like a mom-there-is-something-on-my-finger kind of way. we generally offer him a tissue on these occasions. Grant is getting bigger everday and is trying his hardest to keep up with the other two. he loves to follow them around and "help" with whatever they are doing. He is such a sweet little guy and he laughs and smiles at just about everything we do.

Grant's First haircut.

Although the mullet look is cute and I'm sure it's going to make a comeback we decided to risk the biggest fashion mistake of our life and give Grant a haircut.

Grant loved siting in the sink and turning on the water.

it has become a tradition for Cameron to cut the boys hair. I had planned to cut Grant's hair weeks ago but I wanted Cameron to be able to do it and truthfully I wanted pictures of his first haircut. I did cut Dallin's hair not too long ago and although I did an amazing job, Cameron had to touch it up the next day... oh well.

my short haired boys. This picture of Grant and me was taken at the surgery center where Grant has his circumcision, and that's another story.

a Beautiful Girl

Katelyn is one of the most amazing girls I know. she is so fun and kind and happy. She is always up for having fun and has a pleasant disposition.

One of Katelyn's trademarks is shriving. she is always cold, and is it any wonder? I don't think she owns any fat on her tiny body.

She loves the beach and swimming and anything involving water.

Hairless

it's kind of weird to not have hair, I can't see my head all the time so when I walk by a mirror I'm always a bit surprised at my reflection. you would think that since I've been hairless for a while now that I would be use to it. but I'm not. Also, every time I walk by a hair tie or hairbrush I have the urge to fix my hair and then just in that instant I remember I don't have any. Thankfully I still have my eyelashes and eyebrows. unfortunately I also still have those occasional chin hairs but the gratitude I have for my eyelashes and eyebrows far outweighs the inconvenience of plucking a few chin hairs. and hey I only have to shave my legs every other week, so I won't complain.
last night Grant and I were playing peek-a-boo while Cameron read a bed time story, at some point during our play I realized, "I don't have any hair, I must look so funny." and apparently I did because Grant was laughing but I don't think it was because I don't have hair. It's funny how often I forget that I don't have hair. it's also funny how everyone else in the family seems to be use to it except me.
I always catch people looking at me, and I'm constantly checking myself to see if I have some unsightly stain or if my buttons are misaligned and then as a second thought I realize that they are probably noticing my wrap and wondering what happened to my hair. maybe not, maybe I'm just paranoid. thankfully my hair will return, and no one will be more grateful for a full head of hair.