Princess tutu

Katelyn LOVES every princess thing you can think of and right now that includes beautiful princess ballerina stuff. so I decided to make her a cute pink tutu. it was actually easier then I thought it would be and she seems to like it.

Fountains

The kids were out of sorts and a bit crabby. Generally when this happens it means it's time to get out of the house. It's sometimes rough getting out the door, but generally by the time we are in the car everyone is in much better spirits and we have a great time.

So Cameron's mom Louise and I decided to take the kids to the fountains.

unfortunately this time was especially bad. not only did they cry going down stairs and as I was buckling them into their seats but they also cried all the way home and back up the stair and into their rooms where they stayed until they awoke from their much needed naps.

Fortunately they did manage to play and be happy for about half a hour at the park. so I was able to get some pictures.

the short version.

I met with the doctors yesterday. they did a lymph node biopsy, it came back clear. We also did a CT scan, we will get the results next week. the testing done so far looks good.
The plan of attack is: Mastectomy (removing the entire breast) in 2 weeks, 3 ish weeks of recovery time, Chemotherapy for 12ish weeks after that, radiation after that. Over all this will be a 6 to 8 month process from start to finish and I will lose my hair.
a bone scan is scheduled for next week.

The long version

The day started off cuddling Grant who woke up at 5am to be cuddled and loved and of course fed. He has decided he does his best eating in the middle of the night where he downs an entire bottle at midnight, 3am and then again at 5am. This I’m hoping is just an adjustment to being back home and in his own crib again. He spent a week at Cameron’s parents house while I went to girls camp last week.
By the time I put Grant back to bed, Cameron’s alarm was going off so I decided to jump in the shower and wash away some of the worries my thoughts had stumbled upon during the night.

I had two appointments. The first was a needle biopsy of my lymph nodes at 8am and then next was an appointment with Dr. Lee at 1pm to discuss my situation.

Cameron had to be at the VA Hospital across the street from the Moffitt Cancer Center at 7am to participate in an autopsy. He is in the middle of his pathology rotation. So I dropped him off and headed over to Moffitt to wait. While I was waiting Cameron called to tell me he was coming over to be with me. He would be there in 10 minutes, 9 minutes later the nurse called me and even though I explained that my husband was coming and would be there any minute she nodded politely and assure me that he would be waiting for me when I was finished. He called seconds before we got to the room and I tried to explain where I was as I was being escorted into the room, somehow he found me and I guess because he was wearing scrubs and a white coat they let him stay, which was a huge relief for me.

The radiology resident who was to perform the biopsy didn’t impress me with his confidence, he fumbled around and kept asking the technician for her opinion, he didn’t sound like he knew what he was doing at all. Having Cameron in medical school I appreciate the importance of education but I kept thinking, “couldn’t they get someone who knew what they are doing in here?” soon after I thought that, they started paging the doctor who is over the residents. She came in, made adjustments in the biopsy location and guided the resident through the procedure. And all went well.

We decided to eat breakfast and walk around Target between appointments. That was fun. I love spending time with Cameron no matter what we happen to be doing. We were over an hour early for our appointment but I wanted to check in anyway and just sit and read together or do one of the puzzles they have in the waiting rooms. Dr Lee was ready to see us so we didn’t end up waiting.

We had a great talk. Nothing she said surprised us. As we talked I realized that I was already expecting the very worse so any new was actually good news. She told us that the Cancer hasn’t spread to the right breast. We talked about fertility options after treatment and so on. We laid out a plan together. In about 2 weeks I will receive a Mastectomy, which is complete removal of the left breast. I will have about 3 or 4 weeks of recovery and then I will start Chemotherapy for about 12 weeks and then radiation after that. The whole process should take between 6 and 8 months; which is what I expected.

After meeting with Dr Lee we met with the oncologist Dr Ismail-Kahn. She talked to us about Chemotherapy but to be honest I had no idea what she was talking about, she was really excited about drawing diagrams and flowcharts. I think it was a pretty good review for Cameron’s up coming board exam but it was a bit over my head. The best part of this meeting was when Dr Lee popped her head in and informed us that according to the first report from the pathologist my lymph nodes were clear of cancer.

After that meeting the scheduler found out I hadn’t eaten since breakfast so we were rushed up stair so they could do a CT scan on me. That involves not eating and drinking some contrast something or other. I had to drink 4 ten ounce cups; one every 30 minutes. The first one reminded me a lot of the stuff I drank when I was pregnant and they wanted to test to see if I had gestational diabetes. Not great, but not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Each one after that got significantly worse until I got to the last one which I couldn’t finish because I was positive that I wouldn’t keep it down. Between the third and forth cup a nurse pulled me back to get an IV in my arm. She tied the rubber band around my forearm and then stuck a needle in, she couldn’t find the vain but was determined, she wiggle it around much, much longer then necessary before she gave up and found another vain in the center of my elbow bend, by this point the tips of my fingers were numb from the rubber band and I was in a lot of pain. I hate doing blood work because no one can find my veins; I’ve been stuck up to 4 times in one sitting because I have elusive veins. I usually tell the person before they start but Cameron says it makes them nervous and that probably doesn’t help. After she put my IV in I must admit I was pretty grumpy, I think it was a combination of things; I was starving, freezing, tired, I couldn’t move my arm because it hurt too much and I still had one more cup of that nasty stuff to drink. Cameron was a good sport about it and tried fruitlessly to make me feel better. Thankfully the actual CT scan was a piece of cake. They had me lay on this bed looking thing, wheeled me in and out, had me hold my breath a few times and made me feel like I wet my pants. And then it was over and we were on our way home at last. We got home around 6pm and Cameron’s mom Louise left soon after to drive down to Naples and spend the weekend with her husband and give us some time alone with our family.

Over all it was a good but exhausting day. It feels great to have gotten so much done in one day. It has been the longest week of my life, waiting and wondering and hoping and waiting. It is so hard for me to just sit and wait for things to happen especially because I feel like everyday I wait just makes this harder to beat. It seems that things are rolling along now though. It’s nice to have a plan and have an end in sight. I’m not exited about losing a breast and all my hair but it’s better then the alternative. And who know maybe I’ll look so cute bald that I’ll decide not to let my hair grow back… but it’s not likely.

Crawling

Grant wants so badly to crawl. and he is so close. He has figured out thatif he rocks back and forth he gradually moves forward. Generally at this stage I would be doing everything I could to help him along, unfortinately Katelyn has discovered the joys of Polly Pockets this year and that is just not a good combination. Today when we told Katelyn that she couldn't play with her Pollys in the living room, she replied "Daddy, you Please put Grant away please?" Hopefully she doesn't decide to take matters into her own hands...

The full story

I've realized that I'm not explaining things well so I'll start at the beginning.
in February I thought I had a clogged milk duct, due to nursing, then it seemed more like mastitis because I was sick with high fevers. so I took antibiotics for 2 weeks and the infection and fevers went away but the walnut sized mass caused by the infection was still there creating what we thought was a sissiest.
after various ultra sounds and weeks of waiting Doctor Lee at the Moffitt Cancer Center decided it was time to do a biopsy and find out what this gunk was that was now the size of a small orange. During the Biopsy she decided to take the majority of the lump out to alleviate some of the discomfort it was causing. she left some in because she didn't want to cause a huge deficit in that area. she sent the tissue that was removed to the Pathology department so they could determine what it was and they reported that it was invasive, ductal carcinoma. or in other words breast cancer.
The Doctor seems to think that perhaps the tumor caused the blockage in the milk duct which resulted in an infection... it's hard to say.
so today I had an MRI and Mammogram done. The results should be analyzed within the next couple of days. I will go in on Friday and do an ultra sound on the lymph nodes to see if they look abdominal, if there are any that do then they will do a needle biopsy of those lymph nodes to see if the cancer has spread. also on Friday I will meet with Dr Lee and I'm sure we will discuss the plan of attack.
it has been an emotional roller coaster for me and I'm sure for Cameron. We are doing our best to stay positive about this whole thing but at times the realities of what lays ahead for us can be a bit daunting. Right now I feel Great. Really I do, I am so blessed to have a wonderful family, a strong body and fabulous friends and extended family. I know the Lord is watching over me and my sweet family and I know that with Him I am strong enough to conquer ANYTHING. We are going to take this one step at a time and ask for the Lords blessing along the way.

Scary Stuff

I want to preface this by saying I am still in shock/denial and I don't really know what's going on.

I had a follow up appointment for the procedure that was done almost two weeks ago and the Pathologist found cancer in the mass that was removed. It's called invasive ductal carcinoma, Grade III and is at least 2.0 cm. and honestly that's all I know about it. I am being scheduled for a mammogram, and CAT scan later this week. The Dr has requested a second opinion and that is scheduled for Thursday. so I should know more by the end of this week. I'll do my best to keep people updated... I really don't know what to think or what help to ask for, I just thought everyone should know.

My Little Helper

Dallin loves to be my little helper. especially when I vacuum, he runs to his bedroom and grabs his vacuum and follows me around the house watching how I move the vacuum and then moves his the same way.

Daddy

Cameron is the most amazing father. He makes everything more fun. The kids love it when he chases them around the house pretending to be a monster, and alligator or even a handsome prince seeking a beautiful little princess. If ever he finds himself on the floor it's seen as an open invitation to pile on top of and tackle daddy. and he loves it. He is the first to laugh at the crazy things they do and speak in their new found language of gibberish. When Katelyn comes into the room saying "a hoochma la ba ba?" instead of rolling his eyes at her like I would like to do, he replies "a bo coo la ma ma moo." and she thinks its hysterical. We all love him and it shows in the way the kids run to the door and jump in his arms when he comes home. what an amazing guy!

This spring we decided it was that time again, no not time to clean out the closet and get rid of those neon green pants that were never in style nore have they hope to become so.... although we should probably make time for that. it was time for new family pictures. Sarah Meyers a dear friend who also happens to be a photographer willing accepted the challenge to capture my children on film and despite their best efforts to make this as difficult as possible she was able to get some great shots. These are a few of my favorites.

A little out of the Loop and a bit loopy

I've had this on going saga with this clogged milk duct, mastitis ginormous lump thing and finally on Wednesday I had an appointment to get a biopsy. unfortunately that was also one of the days I was taking care of three additional children for a friend who was having a hysterectomy. I got the girls on Sunday night and was planning to return them Thursday sometime, thinking this biopsy was no big deal and it couldn't possibly effect my ability to care for 6 children.

boy was I wrong... not to get into too many gross, nitty gritty details but instead of a one hour procedure involving a few needles and perhaps a scalpel it was a three hour procedure involving far more tools then I wish to recall only one of which was a needle that was actually the only thing bringing me comfort at it was used to reapply the local anesthesia as the doctor tried to extract the orange size lump that had developed. That night I was in so much pain I couldn't move my left side and the next morning I was so loopy from the pain medication I couldn't formulate a full sentence.

thankfully I have people who love me and who watched my kids, and cleaned my house. I am so blessed.

Dallin's Favorite things at Grandma's house

Dallin Loves coming to Grandma and Grandpa's house. on a typical visit these are his very most favorite things to do....

Puzzles and trains

Playing at the beach

Baseball.

Playing in the water, drinking Juice and asking for more.

Baking with Grandma while eating lolly pops.

helping Grandma water her plants and the porch of course.

Grant at Grandma's house

Grant is in a happy, smiling stage. he loves to laugh and play. at 9 months old he trying to master crawling and finding his mouth at feeding time. he will still eat from a spoon but insist on spitting a bit of each spoonful out so that he can touch it with is fingers.

Cameron loves having his little kids to play with.

I love playing with them too.

Grant having a grand time in the hammock.... or was it grand?

Baseball

Dallin's New favorite thing is bak-it-ball sometimes called fut-ball but is more commonly know as bait-ball. he gets a little mixed up on the name, but there is no mistake about his love for the game... ok so he doesn't really understand the game yet but he loves hitting that ball over and over. he takes it quite seriously and if anyone plays out of turn he is the first to report that misconduct.

as with most things in his 2-year-old life, Dallin takes this very seriously.

What do you do when the ball falls off the tee before it's hit?

at first we set up the tee on the grass thinking we wouldn't want to put any expensive windows in danger, once we realized that there really wasn't a chance of them actually hitting the ball hard enough to come close to the windows let alone break them, we decided to let them play on the patio.

Cat blanket

Dallin love LOVES LOVES his cat blanket. Cameron's mom made Katelyn that blanket when she was a baby but as soon as Dallin was able he claimed it as his own. He is a cuddler and loves anything soft and cuddly. On those hard nights when we can't get him to lay in his bed without crying, we lay beside him and rub his tummy, back and legs with the tips of our fingers. instantly every muscle in his body relaxes and he's like putty. He exclaims over and over, "that feels good." When he first wakes up he needs to be held and loved for a while before he's ready to face the day. we can't help but love this cuddly little boy.

Dallin's favorite complaint is "Tay-din not tar-ing" which for those of you not up to date in two-year-old lingo interprets to mean "Katelyn's not sharing" and according to Dallin this is a crime committed all day everyday. whether it's because Katelyn is playing quietly by herself with her own princess toys, or if she is sitting in a seat Dallin has designated as his own or if she eats her food at a normal human pace and Dallin has scarfed his down and would like hers as well, he proclaims in loud accord "Tay-din's Not Dar-ing" now don't get me wrong Katelyn does her share of "not sharing" but Dallin thinks if ever he doesn't get exactly what he wants it's because someone is not sharing. this is actually a pretty ingenious tactic because if ever Dallin pronounces this at a busy moment when we aren't paying full attention to the situation, our first reaction is to yell out, "Katelyn you need to share with Dallin please." and then continue with the task at hand. not giving the situation a second thought until the offended come forth with her own complaints.

we Love visiting the Florida Aquarium, unfortunately we don't own passes, fortunately we know people who do I we are able to go with them. This time we went with Jill and Nina, my wonderful visiting teachers.

Katelyn loves looking at the fish and turtles and of course playing the the purple shells.

Nina and Grant. Nina bought him that adorable Aquarium hat, she is thoughtful in so many ways.

Dallin loved playing in the sand. and Katelyn and Dallin both love climbing on top of the stone animals.

There is this amazing water play area that the kids love. They have a blast running circles around each other, getting splashed and going down the water slide.

They have this great room where you can sit in rocking chairs, listen to relaxing music and watch the fish... we don't generally spend a lot of time there because my kids tend to ruin the ambiance as they chase each other around the room and yell, "mommy watch this!" at the top of their lungs.

Split personality

I've come to the conclusion that Dallin has a split personality. those of us who know him best know that he is a fun loving, happy to be alive, laugh out loud, excited little boy. to everyone else he is the quiet boy who glares. He's not really glaring, he is just trying to put his head down and hide his face but still look at you, which turns out looking like a glare. I think he inherits this trait from his dad, not the glaring but the split personality. it's always surprising to me when people think Cameron is a serious person.

My kids are obsessed with putting things on their heads. their favorites are meat, and shirts. Every night before bed Dallin has this ritual where he insist on putting his pajamas on "by my selt" he gets his shirt on the crown of his head then runs yelling "where Day-lyn doe?" when he finds Katelyn. She then puts her shirt on her head and they both run, literary run, around the house sing "look at my tilly head!" at the top of their lungs.

they also like putting meat on their heads, much to my displeasure. I'm not sure where this one came from. last night they decided to do meat and cheese. crazy kids.