The long version

The day started off cuddling Grant who woke up at 5am to be cuddled and loved and of course fed. He has decided he does his best eating in the middle of the night where he downs an entire bottle at midnight, 3am and then again at 5am. This I’m hoping is just an adjustment to being back home and in his own crib again. He spent a week at Cameron’s parents house while I went to girls camp last week.
By the time I put Grant back to bed, Cameron’s alarm was going off so I decided to jump in the shower and wash away some of the worries my thoughts had stumbled upon during the night.

I had two appointments. The first was a needle biopsy of my lymph nodes at 8am and then next was an appointment with Dr. Lee at 1pm to discuss my situation.

Cameron had to be at the VA Hospital across the street from the Moffitt Cancer Center at 7am to participate in an autopsy. He is in the middle of his pathology rotation. So I dropped him off and headed over to Moffitt to wait. While I was waiting Cameron called to tell me he was coming over to be with me. He would be there in 10 minutes, 9 minutes later the nurse called me and even though I explained that my husband was coming and would be there any minute she nodded politely and assure me that he would be waiting for me when I was finished. He called seconds before we got to the room and I tried to explain where I was as I was being escorted into the room, somehow he found me and I guess because he was wearing scrubs and a white coat they let him stay, which was a huge relief for me.

The radiology resident who was to perform the biopsy didn’t impress me with his confidence, he fumbled around and kept asking the technician for her opinion, he didn’t sound like he knew what he was doing at all. Having Cameron in medical school I appreciate the importance of education but I kept thinking, “couldn’t they get someone who knew what they are doing in here?” soon after I thought that, they started paging the doctor who is over the residents. She came in, made adjustments in the biopsy location and guided the resident through the procedure. And all went well.

We decided to eat breakfast and walk around Target between appointments. That was fun. I love spending time with Cameron no matter what we happen to be doing. We were over an hour early for our appointment but I wanted to check in anyway and just sit and read together or do one of the puzzles they have in the waiting rooms. Dr Lee was ready to see us so we didn’t end up waiting.

We had a great talk. Nothing she said surprised us. As we talked I realized that I was already expecting the very worse so any new was actually good news. She told us that the Cancer hasn’t spread to the right breast. We talked about fertility options after treatment and so on. We laid out a plan together. In about 2 weeks I will receive a Mastectomy, which is complete removal of the left breast. I will have about 3 or 4 weeks of recovery and then I will start Chemotherapy for about 12 weeks and then radiation after that. The whole process should take between 6 and 8 months; which is what I expected.

After meeting with Dr Lee we met with the oncologist Dr Ismail-Kahn. She talked to us about Chemotherapy but to be honest I had no idea what she was talking about, she was really excited about drawing diagrams and flowcharts. I think it was a pretty good review for Cameron’s up coming board exam but it was a bit over my head. The best part of this meeting was when Dr Lee popped her head in and informed us that according to the first report from the pathologist my lymph nodes were clear of cancer.

After that meeting the scheduler found out I hadn’t eaten since breakfast so we were rushed up stair so they could do a CT scan on me. That involves not eating and drinking some contrast something or other. I had to drink 4 ten ounce cups; one every 30 minutes. The first one reminded me a lot of the stuff I drank when I was pregnant and they wanted to test to see if I had gestational diabetes. Not great, but not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Each one after that got significantly worse until I got to the last one which I couldn’t finish because I was positive that I wouldn’t keep it down. Between the third and forth cup a nurse pulled me back to get an IV in my arm. She tied the rubber band around my forearm and then stuck a needle in, she couldn’t find the vain but was determined, she wiggle it around much, much longer then necessary before she gave up and found another vain in the center of my elbow bend, by this point the tips of my fingers were numb from the rubber band and I was in a lot of pain. I hate doing blood work because no one can find my veins; I’ve been stuck up to 4 times in one sitting because I have elusive veins. I usually tell the person before they start but Cameron says it makes them nervous and that probably doesn’t help. After she put my IV in I must admit I was pretty grumpy, I think it was a combination of things; I was starving, freezing, tired, I couldn’t move my arm because it hurt too much and I still had one more cup of that nasty stuff to drink. Cameron was a good sport about it and tried fruitlessly to make me feel better. Thankfully the actual CT scan was a piece of cake. They had me lay on this bed looking thing, wheeled me in and out, had me hold my breath a few times and made me feel like I wet my pants. And then it was over and we were on our way home at last. We got home around 6pm and Cameron’s mom Louise left soon after to drive down to Naples and spend the weekend with her husband and give us some time alone with our family.

Over all it was a good but exhausting day. It feels great to have gotten so much done in one day. It has been the longest week of my life, waiting and wondering and hoping and waiting. It is so hard for me to just sit and wait for things to happen especially because I feel like everyday I wait just makes this harder to beat. It seems that things are rolling along now though. It’s nice to have a plan and have an end in sight. I’m not exited about losing a breast and all my hair but it’s better then the alternative. And who know maybe I’ll look so cute bald that I’ll decide not to let my hair grow back… but it’s not likely.