surgery

Surgery went well. we arrived at the hospital at 5:15ish in the AM.. That's early even for a morning person. Once we got there we checked in and waited. This soon became a theme for the day.


After an hour or so they moved us into another room and we waited. Then they called me up to the desk asked us to turn off our cell phones, and follow them to a triage type place, I changed into that oh so flattering hospital gown and... we waited. one by one the doctors who would be operating on me and putting me to sleep came by to introduce themselves and say hi. It was nice and all but I'm convinced that it was an attempt to trick me into thinking that I wasn't waiting so much by breaking it up into segments, it would have worked but we had a watch... very useful for those type of situations.





finally at 8ish the Anastisgiologist came back, put something in my IV and I don't remember anything else until I was in the recovery room, apparently I was unconscious for much longer then needed, I should have told them that I don't need as much Anastasia as most people because I don't drink alcohol and it's really effective on me. the benefit was I wasn't in any pain, I mean not any. In fact I wasn't ever in as much pain as I expected to be. I this I can contribute some of that to nerve damage, because I still don't have much feeling under my left arm. once the Anastasia wore off I did have some pain and it lasted for about 2 weeks after coming home from the hospital but it wasn't too bad.





I spent the next week recovering at home with my sister Amy. we had a great time watching movies, going on short walks and just hanging out. my mom came up the day before Thanksgiving and unfortunately had to leave the day after Thanksgiving... she took Amy with her. it was sad.

curly sue

we decided to try curlers in Katelyn's hair, she loved it! she insisted I do it the following night too, of course after that she was done and didn't want those curls anymore. but it was fun while it lasted.

Discouragment

Most days I feel fine, I don't feel ill and when I notice that sick looking person walking past the mirror or looking back at me in pictures I dismiss her as someone else. But every once in a while when I wake up at night or am alone and have time to think about this situation I find myself in I feel sad, upset and angry. I don't understand why, when everyone else my age is concerned about trivial things like how to lose those 10 extra pounds gained during the last pregnancy or How to get a two-year-old to use the potty correctly, that I have to consider things like bilateral mastectomies and worst, recurrence. my Grandmothers dealt with breast cancer in their 70s so it wasn't a foreign concept for me but, I feel a bit cheated out of 45 years of my life. I have so much planned in my life, so much to look forward to I don't want breast cancer to define me. I am tired if it being the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing at night.I would like to have my life back, thank you very much! I would like to take care of my chldren without needing the help from family and friends, not that it's not appreciated, I would just like to not need it. I want to be th one that Grant is walking to as he improving that skill, instead of hearing about it on the phone.

A trip to Utah in November

My older brother David found the girl of his dreams, a school teacher no less, and they got married November 14th. of course we couldn't let them get married without us so we flew out to Utah to join in the festivities.

of course to get there require traveling for over 8 hours. the kids did surprising well on both flights. they were so excited to be on a plane that they played well for the first flight and so exhausted that they slept on the second.

we stayed with my friend Sheryl while we were there. my kids were instant best friends with hers so it worked out well.

Katelyn and Kara were inseparable, but I can't count the number of times Katelyn turned and asked me, "what's my friends name again?" even on the last day of our visits I'm sure it was at least 20 time. so I guess she's not so good with names.

Grant loved having Trevor around. Trevor wasn't so sure about these people coming and sleeping in his room, eating his food and sharing his toys.

and though it was brief I also got to see Brianne and her family.

We also met up with Jessica my old roommate and her husband Jake. She and Dallin made chocolate chip cookies... yum

This is the best family picture that was taken. it's no small feat to get the kids all looking at the camera let alone smiling, we'll take what we can get.

Dad and Mom with the groom.

They stood in the receiving line for a VERY long time, thankfully the rest of us got to enjoy walking around eating ice cream.

These are the girls in my family, Carolyn Stephen's wife in Green, Becky next to her in the back Mom next to Becky, Sarah in the middle, Amy next to her, and me in front trying to make it look like I"m not in pain. I was squatting so that everyone could be seen and it took a VERY long time for this picture to be taken... I'm not sure why...

The kids had a great time throwing the rocks around. this is Katelyn trying to look sweet and Innocent after I asked them not to throw them anymore.

my nieces Katie and Chris adored my little kids.




just as we were ready to bow out of the reception early and put our kids to bed, the music started and we just had to dance, we ended up staying through the entire reception, it ended at 10pm and Cameron had to be at the airport the next morning at 6am.

We had a great time in Utah and can't wait to go back.

Home again

I got home from the hospital today and I feel pretty good. I haven't needed to take much pain killer, in fact I feel better then I did when I got the biopsy done.... of course I was in way more pain then I expected for that one... All the nurses wanted me to stay in the hospital with them, but despite their efforts to tempt us with chocolate cake and the oh so flattering hospital gown, we decided we would be fine on our own. we got home today around lunch time, my sister Amy had lunch and a clean house ready for us when we got here. Cameron's mother has the kids at her house this week, we thought it would be best not to have them around to jump on me when I got home. so we have spent the day eating ice cream and watching movies... it's been great!
my hair is starting to grow back. right now it looks like fuzzy old man head but it's something. my eyebrows and eyelashes have refused to make their reappearance. I'm sure they are waiting for a dramatic entrance. meanwhile I have discovered fake lashes and I may never go back to the real thing. the fake eyebrows need some work though, they look a little... aaa... fake.

Surgery

One more step done in the process of breast cancer. Elisabeth had her mastectomy this morning and her medport removed. There were no complications and she has a month before she starts radiation treatments. So hopefully she can enjoy the holidays and begin a new wave of attacks with the start of the new year. Thank you for all the support.

Grant's first birthday

Our little baby turned one. It's crazy how fast kids grow. just a year ago he was a tiny itsy bitsey little thing that slept, ate and cried. now he is tiny little thing that moves. He is always on the go. He hasn't started walking yet but makes up for it by crawling faster then most kids can run. he is a happy little guy who smiles and laughs easily.

So what does one do on his first birthday?

First things first, play/destroy blocks and animals with Katelyn and Dallin

when that gets old he moved on to more exciting things like mommy's cell phone. Eating is a

constant thing at one. His pants were soon sacrificed to a blowout diaper such is too often the case.

Cameron was on call that day so we joined him for a birthday lunch celebration at a park near the hospital. Dallin and Katelyn were much more excited about Grant's gifts then he was.

we fed him his favorite meal of spaghetti-o which always grantees a bath to follow.

To celebrate we met Abe and Julie in Orlando and played with them Friday then on Saturday we went to Disney World.

We had cupcakes and it was so easy we may never go back to cake.

Everyone enjoyed the frosting and a few of them actually at the cake too.

One of our favorite rides of the day was the race cars. Grant and Dallin went with Cameron and Katelyn and I went together.

Grant's favorite thing was eating our map. he has a great time.

a few days later we celebrated with Bill and Louise.

We love our little Grant.

I am DONE!

I went in this morning for my final Nulasta shot. That's the shot that I get 24 hours after I finish chemo, it stimulates my bone marrow to produce white blood cells, in the process it makes every bone in my body ache, but who cares this is the last time I will have to do this. Yesterday we celebrated my very last chemo treatment by going to Disney World without the kids... don't tell them, they still think I was at the doctor all day yesterday while they were at Grandma's house. Ever since they each got their flu shot a few weeks ago, they have been happy to send me to the doctor by myself. before that Katelyn and Dallin wanted to come with me, I'm sure in hopes of getting a lolly pop for which pediatricians are known for. but now that they know that mommy goes and gets shots at the doctor they are more then happy to send me on my merry way while they stay and play at Emily's or someone else's house. They don't want to be anywhere around, just in case the doctor decides to give them a shot too.

we had a great time at Disney World. it was amazing how much we were able to do, without getting kids in and out of the stroller and a million trips to the bathroom. but despite how carefree and relaxing the day was, we completely missed them and were thrilled to pick them up today.


I wish I really were completely done with everything, I have surgery scheduled for November 21st, a few days after I get back from my brother's wedding in Utah. and then I'll have radiation and then reconstruction. but we are getting closer and that's something to celebrate.

Halloween 2008

This year our ward did a trunk or treat/ Chili cook off on Halloween. We invited Jen and Blake and their cute kids Calvin and Nina to come with us. we all had a great time.

We decided to go with a princess theme, I know girly, but Dallin wanted to be a handsome prince and I know that this is a stage that wont last so I thought "why not" Dallin didn't understand why everyone thought he was a pirate, I guess we should have forgone the pirate hat...

Grant was a cute jester/clown. we couldn't resist he looked adorable! he was the cutest with his wig but that of course didn't stay on longer then half a second.

Katelyn was going to be a beautiful princess up until it was time to put on her costume and then she wanted to be Dorothy from the wizard of Oz. we threw something together that she was happy with and called her Dorthy, unfortunately she had a hard time pronouncing it and kept calling herself "dorky" when people asked. she grew tired of the chuckles and soon refrained from answering all together. she is a cutie!

one of the main attractions of the night was Cameron's amazing pumpkin, yes that right, one single pumpkin with three carvings, we were doing a sleeping beauty theme up until 5 minutes before Katelyn put on her costume, so Cameron did sleeping beauty's castle the Dragon and the three fairies. I spent even more time on a castle made a felt to decorate the trunk, a castle that in the end we couldn't figure out how to pin up so it would stay on the trunk, therefore a castle that no one saw.

the Trunk or treat had a carnival type theme to it, the young women did a fishing game and a feel table, the primary did a cake walk and the Relief society did mini golf and relay races.

We had a great time.

One treatment left... but who's counting?

I went in for my 7th chemo treatment yesterday. Cameron was on call and at the hospital all night so Louise got to come and sit in the green "visitor" chair and watch me drifted in and out of consciousness as the Benidryl takes it's toll.


Me and Benidryl don't get along... don't get me wrong it's a much better relationship then I have with Chemo but it knocks me out. I feel it's effects instantly. my body feels like someone has placed one of those magnetic vests that you wear at the dentist office when you get your teeth x-rayed on it. my head gets all foggy and my speech starts to slur.

Celebrating at the Patrick's house

I was scheduled for Chemo on Katelyn's actual birthday. But don't worry that didn't disappoint Katelyn because it meant she would be spending the day at the Patrick's house. Which is far better then spending it at our house or at the infusion center. The Patrick's have become our second family. My kids absolutely love and adore all of them, and word on the street says they love hanging out with my kids too. It's great when life works out that way.
Louise came with me intending to spend the better part of the day with me in the infusion center reading a book or watching TV while I slept off the Benadryl, Unfortunately, (fortunately?) my blood count was too low to get Chemo so we got to come back home and go to Katelyn's birthday party at the Patrick home.

It did of course take a few hours for them to decide not to give me Chemo so meanwhile back at the ranch this is what the kids did while I was away..

Katelyn and Dallin chowed down on some Mac and Cheese. why is it that when I make them food they hum and ha over it and then play with it until it's unrecognizable as something eatable?

Dallin loves riding this four-wheeler. He rides it around the kitchen-dining room-playroom circle

Emily and Katelyn.

In honor of Katelyn's birthday Emily wore her birthday balloon party dress. they are also both in braids although that's hard to tell in this picture.

Katelyn and Emily helping Liz decorate the cake. Katelyn got to choose any type of cake she wanted and she choose a mermaid. Although, once again she was very close to choosing Dora. she also choose what we ate for dinner and we had chicken nuggets and pears. Liz is so good at making people feel special, especially on their special day. I have learned so much from watching Liz as a mother, she inspires me. It takes an amazing person to have 8 kids and do it with as much grace and joy as Liz does.

Grant eating Cheerios in his new portable high chair. I think my kids are over there so often that Liz decided it might be beneficial to have a chair for Grant. He seems to like it.

Katelyn and Danial Probably helping with the cake some more.

Diane is Great with Grant. it is rumored that Diane and Marie used to fight over who got to hold Grant when he is a new born.

Marie has spent countless hours on the floor playing dinosaurs with Dallin. she is so patient and fun with the kids.