Most days I feel fine, I don't feel ill and when I notice that sick looking person walking past the mirror or looking back at me in pictures I dismiss her as someone else. But every once in a while when I wake up at night or am alone and have time to think about this situation I find myself in I feel sad, upset and angry. I don't understand why, when everyone else my age is concerned about trivial things like how to lose those 10 extra pounds gained during the last pregnancy or How to get a two-year-old to use the potty correctly, that I have to consider things like bilateral mastectomies and worst, recurrence. my Grandmothers dealt with breast cancer in their 70s so it wasn't a foreign concept for me but, I feel a bit cheated out of 45 years of my life. I have so much planned in my life, so much to look forward to I don't want breast cancer to define me. I am tired if it being the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing at night.I would like to have my life back, thank you very much! I would like to take care of my chldren without needing the help from family and friends, not that it's not appreciated, I would just like to not need it. I want to be th one that Grant is walking to as he improving that skill, instead of hearing about it on the phone.
6 comments:
I'm sure you go through feelings no one else your age has felt, I can't even imagine! You are so strong!
Elisabeth, i've been "lurking" for awhile and have never posted. I love you and miss you and wait on baited breath for any and all updates to your blog. Know I am praying for you. You are a superstar. I know it's not fun at all that this is the first thing you think about when you wake up, and the last thing you think about when you go to sleep. But I also know you can do it. And it won't define you. You're an awesome momma and those kids and Cameron love you. Plus, you're also a darn good example to the rest of us. You're a rock star and that's the truth.
-Angela Twining Gottula
LOVE YOU! I have to agree with Angela, you're a Superstar! I don't know how well I would have handled it if it was me. You're amazing and to see a blessing in disguise I think that you're experience had helped to bring our family together just a little more. Thank you for all that you do and I love you lots.
It does not define who you are. It is something you have and you are fighting. You are way too strong to let it define you. You are a great mom, wife, sister, daughter, and friend. That is what defines you. Don't ever forget that there are a lot of people praying for you. It is ok to go throught the emotions. You are human. Love ya.
I love you. You have no idea how you inspire me and no doubt everyone you meet. You are much more than Cancer, thank you for your courage and faith and willingness to share. I love you
I had honestly been thinking about you and Cameron lately, reminiscing about our days at BYU. I went to Brittany's blog, and I was pleasantly surprised to see a link there for yours. I was devastated to see your story unravel, but I was strengthened at the same time. I could see your courage in your eyes and in that smile of yours. No matter what trial you face, I know you're strong enough to get through it. Hang in there. You're an inspiration to us all. Love you tons. Amber Pollard Barney
amberbarney@hotmail.com
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