my Cancer Story.

I have been working on publishing this post for a few months... (read, I started this post a few months ago, forgot about it, and found it in my list of post and finally got around to finishing it.)  It's super long, but if you've been wondering about my cancer story you might find it interesting.

 I have not dropped off the face of the planet. School ended, Summer started and we have been a bit busy over here. Also I've been working on something that has taken most of my "after the kids go to bed" time.  I was asked to speak at our stake Relief Society Conference.  They gave me 30 minutes. I created a PowerPoint to go along with it and shared most of the pictures in this post. Anyways here's the talk.

I’m one of those people who like to have a plan, it can be a flexible plan, but I like a basic idea of where I want to be and what I want to be doing.  And up until a few years ago, my life, although not perfect, had gone about the way I had foreseen it as a young girl, I went to BYU, met and married my sweetheart, and although he isn’t as tall as I would have preferred, we are exactly the same height, he is a good man who loves kids and helps with the dishes.  2 years after we were married our daughter Katelyn was born, and although she didn’t sleep as well as I would have liked, she was a happy baby and we loved her.  Her 2 younger brothers came a bit sooner than I expected, each 18 months after the other, but we wanted a large family and didn’t mind having them so close.  So although not perfect, things were close to how I envisioned them to be.

It would be great if life could always go the way we plan but fortunately Heavenly Father has a better plan for us; a plan which involves testing and trying us until we are proven worthy. Often it’s not until after our trial that we are able to look back and see the growth and development that accrues. 

As part of Heavenly Father's plan of redemption, all people experience adversity during their lifetime. Trials, disappointments, sadness, sickness, and heartache are a difficult part of life, but with the help of the Lord they can lead to spiritual growth, refinement, and progress.- LDS.ORG

For me, one of my biggest trials came a few years ago when at age 28 I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. I was shocked when I heard the news, How was that even possible?  I was in perfectly good health, and the only risk factor I had was the fact that I was a woman. After I found out, I went home to an empty apartment; my husband was driving down to meet his mother who watched the kids so I could attend girls camp, she lived 3 hours away so it would be a while before he returned.  I felt alone. I have never prayed so hard in my life. This scripture kept coming to mind,

John 14:27 leave with you, my ^bpeace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be ^ctroubled, neither let it be afraid.

And peace did come.

 /

The news spread quickly, and that very evening, Nina my visiting teacher called, “Elisabeth, have you eaten yet?” I honestly hadn’t even thought about food, “well don’t you worry about it, I’ll be there in an hour with dinner for you and your family” What a beautiful lesson on service, she saw a need, and filled it. She could have easily said, “I’m so sorry to hear about your cancer, if you need anything let me know” and left it at that.  But she didn’t.

The next few days were a blur. Every day we saw so many blessings.  I would show up for one doctor’s appointment, they would find out it had been hours since I had last eaten and rush me off to get a CT scan, MUGA or MRI

Expecting the very worse we were thrilled when during an oncology appointment my surgeon popped her head in and informed us that the pathology showed that my lymph nodes were clear, meaning that the cancer hadn’t spread to the rest of my body.

Before long, all the testing and screening was done and I was ready to start treatments.  We developed a plan; when everything seems to be out of your control, it’s nice to have a plan again. It was decided that I would have Chemo first to shrink the tumor and then a mastectomy to remove any potential cancer tissue, followed by radiation. Overall the treatments would take about 9 months. Cameron’s mom made the sacrifice to be with us and help out during most of that time.  She is someone I admire for her selfless service.

The first type of Chemo was Adriamycin, known as the “red devil” I can’t remember why, something to do with its coloring and how awful it makes you feel.  Before each appointment, I go to the lab to get my blood drawn to check my platelet count; if it’s too low, chemo has to be rescheduled.  Thankfully that only happened once, it happened to be on my daughter’s birthday, which was a blessing because I got to spend more of the day with her instead of in the infusion center. 

After labs are drawn I wait for my oncology appointment, she reviews the plan and answers any questions or concerns. Then it’s up to the infusion center which if filled with green recliner chairs and television systems. They have plenty of movies, books and magazines to make the process a little more pleasent.  They also have a fridge and freezer stocked with food and ice cream in case you get hungry during the hours it takes to infuse the chemo. The nurse who administers the chemo wears thick plastic gloves and a protective face mask while she inserts the IV. She infuses a steroid at the same time, which helps my body accept the chemo preventing the sickness that’s associated with chemo.  

Cameron and I took full advantage of the time we got to spend without the kids on what became our chemo dates, it took a couple of hours for each chemo infusion.

 During that time, we would laugh talk and plan our next family vacation as we watched movies and ate ice cream and boxed lunches in the infusion center. 

 We turned heads in that solemn place as we literally giggled over my various headwear.

Soon after my second treatment of chemo Cameron and I were relaxing together when he noticed one of my gray hairs, when he reached to pull it out it literary fell into his hand, he couldn’t help himself he started pulling out my hair one by one. 

 The next day I woke up with a pile of hair on my pillow, Cameron’s mom washed my sheets and refused to let me get back in bed until I was properly shorn.

I had 4 treatments of this type of chemo, one every other week for 8 weeks. My body didn’t tolerate taxol, the next type of chemo, so they had to infuse it at half speed, which meant it took twice as long.  Which meant we got to have even longer dates.  

We laughed, played and enjoyed our time together during this time.  

Before long chemo treatments were done and I had surgery. At this point they couldn’t find any trace of cancer.

 But just to be sure a few weeks later, the day after my birthday, I started radiation treatment which happened every day for 5 weeks. I would drive 40 minutes to the cancer center, they would line me up on the table, making sure the laser lined up perfectly with my tattoo dots, I have 9 of them 3 down my sternum and 3 down each side. Then they would leave the room and administer the radiation.  It felt a lot like getting an X-ray. I didn’t feel a thing.

  After radiation things started to settle down and we got back to our regular busy lives.

My hair started growing back,

 Cameron Graduated from medical school

 and we moved here to Texas.

Thankfully not all of us will have to go through treatments for breast cancer, but each of us will have trails. Everyone’s trials will be different but I believe they will be equally challenging for that individual. And each of us will be blessed as we progress through our challenges.

In his talk Mountians to Climb, Elder Eyring said,If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest as well as the easiest times in life can be a blessing. In all conditions, we can choose the right with the guidance of the Spirit. We have the gospel of Jesus Christ to shape and guide our lives if we choose it. And with prophets revealing to us our place in the plan of salvation, we can live with perfect hope and a feeling of peace. We never need to feel that we are alone or unloved in the Lord’s service because we never are. We can feel the love of God. The Savior has promised angels on our left and our right to bear us up.¹⁰ And He always keeps His word.

  In his talk ‘Come what may and love it,’ Elder Wirthlin said, “How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can’t—at least not in the moment. I don’t think my mother was suggesting that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don’t think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneath a cloak of pretended happiness. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life.

People ask me all the time “how do you do it?” usually I tell them, “you just do, I’m just doing what anyone else would do.” every day you just keep going. You take things one day at a time.  But I do believe there are things you can do to get through your trials without getting discouraged

1 Look for the blessings in every situation. President Monson said, “It would be easy to become discouraged and cynical about the future—or even fearful of what might come—if we allowed ourselves to dwell only on that which is wrong in the world and in our lives. Today, however, I’d like us to turn our thoughts and our attitudes away from the troubles around us and to focus instead on our blessings 

It’s hard to be discouraged when you focus on your blessings.

During this time we were aware of so many blessings.                                                                           

It was such a blessing that we lived so close to one of the best cancer centers in the nation.

It was a blessing that my kids were so young.  Katelyn my oldest was 3 and a half, Dallin had just turned 2 and Grant was 9 months old when I started treatments.  They were too young to really worry about me or wonder if I was going to make it.  Katelyn was very concerned when my hair fell out and wouldn’t even come near me if I had a pair of scissors in my hand because she worried that I would give her a similar haircut.  I don’t think the boys even noticed my new hair style.  But other than that they were fine sending me to another doctor’s appointment because it meant they got to go play at their friends’ house.

I also felt bless to  have a dear friend who was happy to care for my three young children as I went to countless doctors’ appointments and watched them for hours as I was infused with Chemo. Even during the 2^nd type of chemo that turned out to be 6-8 hours  because my body didn’t tolerate it well.

My visiting teachers were amazing, Jill took it upon herself to petition the local business and collect gift cards, lotions, bath salts and other various items from the shops and salons around town.  She also arranged to have someone come clean my house once a week and meals to be brought every other day.  She did all this without one “if you need anything…”

Our greatest blessings came later, when I had Lilly and Peter, my twins who were born last fall.  

The risk of being infertile after chemo is quite high. Chemo has a way of forcing your body into Menopause, with hot flashes and all.  Most women who go through it don’t have to worry about it because they are well past child baring years. But it was something we were concerned about because if we could, we wanted more children.  The doctors in Tampa told us we had to wait 5 years after treatments before having more kids.  When we moved to Texas my oncologist told us if I was cancer free for 2 years, then we could start trying, because my cancer was hormone negative, meaning it didn’t respond to change in hormones. That year I opted to have a mastectomy and remove my right breast as well to lower my risk of recurrence.  It took over a year, which for someone who had her first 3 babies 18 months apart, that was a long time. Every month was heartbreaking as I realized once again, that I wasn’t pregnant.  It was bitter sweet to watch Grant, my baby, grow, knowing that I would never watch one of my children go through that stage again.  And then, when I had decided that more children were not part of Heavenly Fathers plan for us, I was pregnant, and not just pregnant, but pregnant with twins.  When my body stopped ovulating with the chemo, my hormones were still telling my body to ovulate so when I did finally ovulate it was over stimulated and produced 2 eggs. We Love it and feel so blessed.  We give thanks daily for our beautiful babies.

3. be positive. Sometimes when my kids are grumpy or have had a bad day I have them find 10 things they are grateful for.

“Have you ever seen an angry driver who, when someone else makes a mistake, reacts as though that person has insulted his honor, his family, his dog, and his ancestors all the way back to Adam? Or have you had an encounter with an overhanging cupboard door left open at the wrong place and the wrong time which has been cursed, condemned, and avenged by a sore-headed victim?

There is an antidote for times such as these: learn to laugh.”

Sometimes it’s hard to find the humor in every situation. But it’s important try to look on the bright side of things.

The book, “The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom” is a great example of giving thanks in even the more dire circumstances.  Corrie and her sister Betsy were sent to a Jewish concentration camp after being caught helping and protecting Jews. At first they were sent to a temporary camp where conditions were not ideal but the work load was relatively light and they were able to conceal a bible with them. They were eager to moving on to the permanent camp where they looked forward to each person having her own blanket. When they arrived at the camp Corrie was disappointed to discover that the barrack was much worse than the conditions they had just come from.  There were 1400 crammed into a space built for 400, the place was filthy.  The pluming had backed up and the bedding was soiled and rancid.  The worst part was the fleas. They were everywhere. Corrie took her bible and read from 1 Thessalonians, "Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus.'"

"'That's it, Corrie! Betsy exclaimed, that’s His answer. "Give thanks in all circumstances!" That's what we can do. We can start right now to thank God for every single thing about this new barracks!' I stared at her; then around at the dark, foul-aired room. "'Such as?' I said.

"'Such as being assigned here together.'

"I bit my lip. 'Oh yes,'

"'Such as what you're holding in your hands.' I looked down at the Bible.

"'Yes! Thank You, dear Lord, that there was no inspection when we entered here! Thank You for all these women, here in this room, who will meet You in these pages.'

"'Yes,' said Betsie, 'Thank You for the very crowding here. Since we're packed so close, that many more will hear!' She looked at me expectantly. 'Corrie!' she prodded.

"'Oh, all right. Thank You for the jammed, crammed, stuffed, packed suffocating crowds.'

"'Thank You,' Betsie went on serenely, 'for the fleas and for--'

"The fleas! This was too much. 'Betsie, there's no way even God can make me grateful for a flea.'

"'Give thanks in all circumstances,' she quoted. It doesn't say, 'in pleasant circumstances.' Fleas are part of this place where God has put us.

"And so we stood between tiers of bunks and gave thanks for fleas. But this time I was sure Betsie was wrong."

 Betsie and Corrie made a difference in their barrack they read passages aloud from their bible at night, bringing a spirit of peace. Later they learned that the reason they had so much freedom in their barracks, the reason the guards never supervised them was because of the fleas. 

How often do those things that cause pain and discomfort make way for our greatest blessings. 

Elder Wirthlin said, If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness.”

I know Heavenly Father loves us, and is aware of our circumstances. He wants us to be happy and to return with him someday.  I have a testimony of him and his great goodness.